The REAL problem with food.

This is going to be long, and perhaps also boring and stupid, but sequential. It's just how I think these days. Everything is connected and one thought leads to another. Prepare yourself.

Recently I've been talking to a friend of mine about the perspective most females have on their bodies (i.e. not good). Mostly I'm sad about this, because I feel like our bodies have been given to us as a great and important gift. We're spirits, or souls, or energy, and then we're given a human form and we live our lives in this form. If we didn't have these bodies, we'd be... well, I don't know what we'd be, but it sure wouldn't be human. So it makes me sad, really, when people (who are, I would say, almost exclusively women), hate their bodies, frequently with a kind of fiery passion. First of all, that's what I like to call a whole lot of wasted energy. It's all you've got, gals. You're never going to have a different body. Perhaps a better-taken-care-of body, but not a different one. So why not take care of it and love it as best as you can! Second, it seems ungrateful not to. I really believe that life is a great gift. I know that people love me (and I definitely know that everyone who reads this blog has someone who loves them), for who I am. I know that my mother, father, siblings, and friends all love me. They love me for my super exciting personality and all the time we spent together and what I mean to them. Don't we all know someone who is so beautiful to us, though we understand they wouldn't be considered "classically" beautiful? So I won't blame my body for not looking like some bizarre ideal that someone in a magazine tells me is perfection. I know it's easier said than done, when faced with the dazzling smiles of skinny, perfectly toned, flawless, and sparkling celebrities on every movie poster, magazine stand, and tv show every time you turn around. But in the same way that I believe you can be at ease in your own life, I believe you can be at ease in your own skin. That one can be thankful for the gift of life, be thankful, even, for the gift of a body, no matter what shape or size. It just might take some getting used to.

This leads me to my second thought; the reason I became a vegetarian. Lots of people don't eat meat because they think it's cruel to animals, or because they feel sorry for eating something with a face and a heart. But that reason seems naïve to me. There is no life without death. It just won't happen. Even if you only ever ate plants, you'd still be killing to eat. Even if you only ever ate fruit or nuts or beans, you'd still be taking the future life of that seed away. Life begets life. There is a Buddhist prayer that says: 

This food is the gift of the whole universe;
each morsel is a sacrifice of life.
May I be worthy to receive it.
May the energy in this food
give me the strength
to transform my unwholesome qualities into wholesome ones. 

I love this prayer. I try to always think about those first two lines before eating. In Alaska last year, Lindsey and I went out deep sea fishing. It was, shall we say, a bit messier than I had imagined it would be. As I watched the guide clubbing fish over the head and slitting their throat while blood poured over the deck, I thought to myself, "This food is the gift of the whole universe; each morsel is a sacrifice of life." (Also, everyone in Alaska makes fun of vegetarians. I came to the conclusion that it's quite unheard of there. They were worried about turning into women if they ate veggie burgers. Evidently women are made of broccoli. At one point, someone said to me, "Verity, I bet you get teased about this all the time." I replied, "No, not really. It's pretty normal where I'm from.") 

So why, you ask yourself, did I become a vegetarian? Health. I wanted to be healthy. I want to have more energy, and I want to treat my body as sacred. (Haha! My body is a temple! That sounds so lame.) This body of mine is all I've got, so I want to treat it well. At the very least, I wanted to start being very aware of what I was putting into my body. And I have to say, it really worked. I am now always aware of whatever I put in my mouth. I tell my parents not to buy things (weirdly enough, White Cheddar Cheez-Its are a huge weakness of mine), because I'll eat them, and I don't want to. And believe you me, if there is a big bag of Doritos in the house, I will consume them. It'll take me forever, but I'll do it. Every last flim-flamming one of them. (That's for you, Laura.)

Third point. I've been thinking about taking a new step in food: veganism. Man, people are terrified of veganism. I don't want to lecture here, because it's boring to both lecture and be lectured at, and frankly, I couldn't care less what other people eat. So please, by all means, sit down to a nice big pot roast and blame it on me! But I have read a lot about this topic, and a book called The China Study, researches all the different diets in the world, analyzing and finding the pros and cons of each one. The author's findings ultimately lead him to believe that veganism is the best diet for humans to follow. (Again, I don't care if you believe this or not. Scarf down that pot roast.) For myself, I love being a vegetarian. I feel better. I have more energy. When I have small bites of meat here and there I always feel worse afterward. It just disagrees with me. Maybe veganism will be even more amazing! And if not, I will simply go back to being a vegetarian. No harm done. 

I said to someone last night that I was thinking the time had come for me to become a vegan, and she kind of freaked out. I wasn't really expecting this. Her logic: "You don't need another excuse not to eat!" Apparently my reputation exceeds me. This leads me to my fourth and (hopefully) last point; my crazy eating... disorder, I guess, since it's clearly not normal. Those of you who knew me in my childhood know that it was a great struggle for my parents to get me to eat. The natural assumption here is that I hate food. But I hope very much that anyone who reads this blog would understand that's not true. I love food! It's yummy! The spicier the better! The real problem? Eating. I find it extremely difficult to sit down, look at a plate of food, chew it up, and swallow it. I take breaks. Sometimes I can talk myself into finishing. Sometimes I can't. The process is slow and annoying. Yes, I know. You don't understand. I've never met anyone who did. Even people very close to me (such as the person last night), to whom I've explained this a hundred times, still occasionally claim that I hate food. The dislike of food and the dislike of eating are clearly inseparable in people's heads. If she likes food so much, why can't she just stuff her little face happily like a normal person? I know it's weird. I know it's totally incomprehensible. But it's true. I can only hope that someday someone who understands this will come along, and I will no longer be alone in the world.  

Hey, you might think of it this way. Once my sister Liz told me she feels the same way about showering. She loves being clean, but the act of showering is entirely unappealing. Yet she would never leave the house without doing so. One might think, but if she likes to be clean, how could she possibly hate showering? What a conundrum. Am I right?? It's a complete mystery. Although showering isn't really a matter of life or death. I realize that's the general issue with the matter at hand. It's a simplified version. Yet fortunately for all of us, I'm an adult now and acknowledge the fact that one needs to eat to survive. Otherwise I would have been long dead by now, and the pleasure of reading this blog would have been forgone. (I know. Dreadful.) Indeed, I hereby swear that I have eaten at least once every day of the last 29 years. I hope this is of some consolation to you all. I also understand that veganism is not to be entered into lightly, and that a careful balance of protein, healthy fats, and carbohydrates are necessary. I fully intend to keep healthy. In fact, that's the whole point. I have a peculiar relationship with food. But I don't see this as a bad thing. In fact, coupled with my desire to be healthy, I think it's a good thing. I will only eat things that are good for me, thereby relieving me of the unnecessary act of eating unhealthy foods. (Unless some Buffalo Doritos somehow find their way into the house.) See? Win win. 

Let's review: I love my body. My body loves vegetables. It loves vegetables so much, I think I'll become a vegan. However, I find the mundane act of eating difficult. Therefore, I promise to be smart and eat lots of leafy greens, whole grains, organic beans, and tofu. The end.