Kids these days
My students have really been wearing me a bit thin lately. I tutor after school part-time. It's with a program that offers 40 hours of free tutoring per school year, so we end up getting 3 different batches of students. My students the first trimester were fairly poorly behaved, or rather, they had a really hard time focusing and doing their work without complaint. I understand this. They go to school all day and then they have to go to after school tutoring, and it's tiring. But those kids were never mean, even if they were a handful. They complained about their work and each other, but they never complained or said mean things to or about me. I had 5th graders last semester, two girls and two boys. Well, the one boy was a 7th grader, but because of a series of seizures he had had, his learning level was pretty far behind the others. Sometimes they were exhausting, especially my one 5th grade boy, but most of the time they were really fun and sweet kids.
My students this trimester were all 6th (and one 7th) grade boys. It's been... difficult. At first I was thrilled, because they were so much quieter than my 5th grade girls. They came in and did their work and they were quiet. As time wore on, they learned a number of things. One was that there were really no consequences to not finishing their work. Sure, they might not get to go to the gym to play basketball, but that was all I had. If they flat out refused to do their work, I couldn't make them. Second, they got to know each other. I don't know if any of you have ever been in a classroom with 5 11- and 12-year-old boys all ganging up on you, but it's pretty rough. Preteen boys are angry, willful, and distracted. They hate anyone or thing that represents a threat to them, and doing homework/learning how to read is apparently a threat. Even my nicest and most respectful student has gone out of his way to say mean things to me lately (though in all honesty, I don't think he's quite aware of the potential damage inflicted). My most difficult student told me that they needed a man to teach them because "no woman can control me." He also stated in plain terms that women don't deserve respect, and that he even treats his girlfriend badly. That was a fun day.
And it's not just me, this trimester. So many kids are just horrible to their teachers. One called her teacher "really old and ugly." Another one yelled at her teacher to shut up to her face. I try to avoid the whole "what's the matter with kids today?" deal, because kids have always been kids. There are always some who are rebellious, always some who hate authority. I know that. But when a 2nd grader tells her very nice teacher that she's old and ugly, something's wrong here. Eight years old is old enough to know that those are not nice things to say.
So I try my best. I try to explain to Sam that when Julio tells him I look pregnant, he doesn't need to repeat that to me, and that by saying "no offense" before asking me why I look "so much older than 29" is not going to negate the fact that it's mean. I tell Angel that he wouldn't want to be treated with disrespect, so treating me that way is just as bad, whether I'm a woman or not. But see, that's the hard thing: I think that they do get treated with disrespect. Even in this program I see it. My boss is mean to these kids, she doesn't trust them, she singles them out as trouble makers before they ever even open their mouths. What chance does a 12-year-old have when he's treated like that? It's kind of shocked me how much adults appear to believe that children deserve to be screamed at, restrained, and most of all, shoved into an intellectual box. These poor kids. I guess I can see where they learn to act out the way they do; they feel it's the only voice they have.
Despite everything, I love my students. I want them to have a fair chance in life. I know it's hard for them to see how going to school and learning to read better helps with that, because it was hard for me to understand how the things I learned in school relate to real life. I try to treat them with respect. I try to be a good role model for them. It has been encouraging to see the progress made. The one thing kids who have a learning disability learn first is to hide it. And with one of my students in the 6th grade, he was reading at a barely-1st-grade level. That was a challenge. But he's made so much progress just in these few weeks, and I'm incredibly proud of him. These students are almost finished with their hours, I only have 2 more coming back next week, and at the end of March I'll get some new ones. I just hope I have some girls next time. Or perhaps just younger boys.
My students this trimester were all 6th (and one 7th) grade boys. It's been... difficult. At first I was thrilled, because they were so much quieter than my 5th grade girls. They came in and did their work and they were quiet. As time wore on, they learned a number of things. One was that there were really no consequences to not finishing their work. Sure, they might not get to go to the gym to play basketball, but that was all I had. If they flat out refused to do their work, I couldn't make them. Second, they got to know each other. I don't know if any of you have ever been in a classroom with 5 11- and 12-year-old boys all ganging up on you, but it's pretty rough. Preteen boys are angry, willful, and distracted. They hate anyone or thing that represents a threat to them, and doing homework/learning how to read is apparently a threat. Even my nicest and most respectful student has gone out of his way to say mean things to me lately (though in all honesty, I don't think he's quite aware of the potential damage inflicted). My most difficult student told me that they needed a man to teach them because "no woman can control me." He also stated in plain terms that women don't deserve respect, and that he even treats his girlfriend badly. That was a fun day.
And it's not just me, this trimester. So many kids are just horrible to their teachers. One called her teacher "really old and ugly." Another one yelled at her teacher to shut up to her face. I try to avoid the whole "what's the matter with kids today?" deal, because kids have always been kids. There are always some who are rebellious, always some who hate authority. I know that. But when a 2nd grader tells her very nice teacher that she's old and ugly, something's wrong here. Eight years old is old enough to know that those are not nice things to say.
So I try my best. I try to explain to Sam that when Julio tells him I look pregnant, he doesn't need to repeat that to me, and that by saying "no offense" before asking me why I look "so much older than 29" is not going to negate the fact that it's mean. I tell Angel that he wouldn't want to be treated with disrespect, so treating me that way is just as bad, whether I'm a woman or not. But see, that's the hard thing: I think that they do get treated with disrespect. Even in this program I see it. My boss is mean to these kids, she doesn't trust them, she singles them out as trouble makers before they ever even open their mouths. What chance does a 12-year-old have when he's treated like that? It's kind of shocked me how much adults appear to believe that children deserve to be screamed at, restrained, and most of all, shoved into an intellectual box. These poor kids. I guess I can see where they learn to act out the way they do; they feel it's the only voice they have.
Despite everything, I love my students. I want them to have a fair chance in life. I know it's hard for them to see how going to school and learning to read better helps with that, because it was hard for me to understand how the things I learned in school relate to real life. I try to treat them with respect. I try to be a good role model for them. It has been encouraging to see the progress made. The one thing kids who have a learning disability learn first is to hide it. And with one of my students in the 6th grade, he was reading at a barely-1st-grade level. That was a challenge. But he's made so much progress just in these few weeks, and I'm incredibly proud of him. These students are almost finished with their hours, I only have 2 more coming back next week, and at the end of March I'll get some new ones. I just hope I have some girls next time. Or perhaps just younger boys.
Nice reflection. I hope it gets better for you, and the students. I liked your point about how adults treat children. I think that some teachers get on a power trip in the classroom. In the outside world, they may just be an average Jane or Joe, but when being put in charge of children, they can be a rockstar or a dictator.
ReplyDeleteI'd like to put in a word for middle-school aged boys. When I was working as a youth group counselor at church, middle school boys were my favorite group. They were all really sweet and smart and came up with funny jokes. I understand that they were probably from a completely different background and none of them may have had learning disabilities, but middle school kids can be cool, too. At times. Some of them.
I know you know what I'm about to say, but these kids are just acting out. They've been dealt a tough lot in life and they like to push boundaries. I think that little 2nd grader probably was frustrated for whatever reason, probably her schoolwork, and just lashed out. I honestly don't think kids truly mean the mean things they say. It's just their way of seeing what they can get away w/ or reacting to negative and unrelated-to-you events in their life. We all know you're not old or pregnant looking. Imagine a duck and let their comments slide off you like water on duck's feathers. Then tell them that's inappropriate and to knock it off. I just read your Wedding Weekend blog and I think now is a good time to have a little break. Coming back refreshed and in a better mindset will help out. Mid-year is a tough time for everyone in education. Keep on keepin' on, and remember to treat unkindness w/ kindness. Loves ya!
ReplyDeleteI think you are dealing with this the best way possible, and despite what the kids say, I bet they do respect you and look up to you because you treat them well. They're only saying things they hear other people (mostly adults) say. It really makes you think about what you say in front of your kids. Sometimes we make comments about celebrities on tv, like what an ugly outfit or something, and Kevyn and I realized that we can't say things like this anymore. We don't want to teach our son that it's OK to judge people like that. Anyway, keep up the good work. You are a light in their day!
ReplyDeleteYeah, I used to be a sub. For middle school. The kids were HORRID. So I told one of them to grow up and stop acting retarded. Then they told me I was super cool and behaved charmingly. And when 7th grade boys tell you are super cool, you know you must have done something wrong.... So I feel your pain. If it is any comfort, 7th grade boys ARE just immature. It was true in middle school and it is STILL true. Obviously what they say isn't really nice, but I really think they say things like that to try to get to you, to bring you down to their level. That is when they can just begin ignoring you. So don't let them get to you. Hugs!
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