On Losing a Loved One
When my mother was pregnant with my sister Nina years and years ago, she met a woman at a midwifery conference here in Pittsburgh. They became fast friends, and Sue helped my mother when she gave birth to my youngest sister Mary, and my mother helped Sue give birth just mere months later to her son Nathaniel. When I decided to come to Pittsburgh for college, my mother was so happy that I would have the Stifflers to act as my surrogate family. And they certainly did. Especially during my first few years, I was so thankful for a home-cooked meal and the uplifting conversation, not to mention the rides home from the airport and the support I knew I could count on.
This past April, Paul, Sue's husband, died suddenly of a heart attack. It was unexpected and a pretty serious blow. My parents and some of my siblings came out to Pittsburgh for the funeral, and we were glad to be there for some support. The nice thing about the Stifflers is that both Sue and Paul were from really large families, and Nathaniel and his older brother Jason had what felt like a hundred cousins. Their family took up about the first 4 rows on either side of the alter at the church. But it was comforting to see such amazing support.
Unfortunately, my mother called me last night with some more terrible news. Nathaniel was in a car accident on Tuesday evening and has also passed away. He was 24 years old. So in Natty's honor, I'd like to share with you a memory I have of them from about 4 years ago. I went to the Stifflers' house for dinner one summer evening. Paul was a chef, and Natty was taking after him and working in a restaurant for the summer at the time. Natty had made us these really amazing salads and Paul grilled asparagus and chicken on the barbeque. And I remember sitting at the table trying to talk to Sue about something and Natty and Paul were talking over us and about us at the same time. I remember I kept laughing and telling them to be quiet, but they wouldn't stop teasing. Paul said, "Will you two be quiet, we're trying to have a conversation here?!" It was like being part of the family, and I always really appreciated that about them. They welcomed me with open arms, and I was as much a sister to Natty as anyone probably ever could have been.
My family won't be able to make it out to the funeral this time, but I'm going to go because I live so close. I guess that is one good thing about still living in Pittsburgh all these years later. For one of my graduations, Sue gave me a copy of The Prophet, by Kahlil Gibran. For all of you who don't know it, I would highly recommend you go out and get a copy right this minute. It'll change your life. I keep coming back to this book, because it's so full of wisdom and wonderful words. I would that everyone had copy in their pocket to help them get through the day. So in closing, I'm going to copy and paste Gibran's most appropriate chapter. For Natty.
On Death
You would know the secret of death.
But how shall you find it unless you seek it in the heart of life?
The owl whose night-bound eyes are blind unto the day cannot unveil the mystery of light.
If you would indeed behold the spirit of death, open your heart wide unto the body of life.
For life and death are one, even as the river and the sea are one.
In the depth of your hopes and desires lies your silent knowledge of the beyond;
And like seeds dreaming beneath the snow your heart dreams of spring.
Trust the dreams, for in them is hidden the gate to eternity.
Your fear of death is but the trembling of the shepherd when he stands before the king whose hand is to be laid upon him in honour.
Is the shepherd not joyful beneath his trembling, that he shall wear the mark of the king?
Yet is he not more mindful of his trembling?
For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?
And what is it to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?
Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing.
And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb.
And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance.
This past April, Paul, Sue's husband, died suddenly of a heart attack. It was unexpected and a pretty serious blow. My parents and some of my siblings came out to Pittsburgh for the funeral, and we were glad to be there for some support. The nice thing about the Stifflers is that both Sue and Paul were from really large families, and Nathaniel and his older brother Jason had what felt like a hundred cousins. Their family took up about the first 4 rows on either side of the alter at the church. But it was comforting to see such amazing support.
Unfortunately, my mother called me last night with some more terrible news. Nathaniel was in a car accident on Tuesday evening and has also passed away. He was 24 years old. So in Natty's honor, I'd like to share with you a memory I have of them from about 4 years ago. I went to the Stifflers' house for dinner one summer evening. Paul was a chef, and Natty was taking after him and working in a restaurant for the summer at the time. Natty had made us these really amazing salads and Paul grilled asparagus and chicken on the barbeque. And I remember sitting at the table trying to talk to Sue about something and Natty and Paul were talking over us and about us at the same time. I remember I kept laughing and telling them to be quiet, but they wouldn't stop teasing. Paul said, "Will you two be quiet, we're trying to have a conversation here?!" It was like being part of the family, and I always really appreciated that about them. They welcomed me with open arms, and I was as much a sister to Natty as anyone probably ever could have been.
My family won't be able to make it out to the funeral this time, but I'm going to go because I live so close. I guess that is one good thing about still living in Pittsburgh all these years later. For one of my graduations, Sue gave me a copy of The Prophet, by Kahlil Gibran. For all of you who don't know it, I would highly recommend you go out and get a copy right this minute. It'll change your life. I keep coming back to this book, because it's so full of wisdom and wonderful words. I would that everyone had copy in their pocket to help them get through the day. So in closing, I'm going to copy and paste Gibran's most appropriate chapter. For Natty.
On Death
You would know the secret of death.
But how shall you find it unless you seek it in the heart of life?
The owl whose night-bound eyes are blind unto the day cannot unveil the mystery of light.
If you would indeed behold the spirit of death, open your heart wide unto the body of life.
For life and death are one, even as the river and the sea are one.
In the depth of your hopes and desires lies your silent knowledge of the beyond;
And like seeds dreaming beneath the snow your heart dreams of spring.
Trust the dreams, for in them is hidden the gate to eternity.
Your fear of death is but the trembling of the shepherd when he stands before the king whose hand is to be laid upon him in honour.
Is the shepherd not joyful beneath his trembling, that he shall wear the mark of the king?
Yet is he not more mindful of his trembling?
For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?
And what is it to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?
Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing.
And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb.
And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance.
I'm crying quite hard so excuse any typos, but this was absolutely beautiful.
ReplyDeleteI forgot about reading "The Prophet" thanks for reminding me to get it out again. I agree with Nina, it was a beautiful tribute.
ReplyDelete